So, in this weird and wonderful world of blogging, you sometimes get approached by my people (PR not Sri Lankan) about all sorts of weird and wonderful things and because I’m mean, I let most things pass me by. But I cannot resist a good pun so when the press release for the ‘APHRODISISHACK‘ dropped into my inbox, I guffawed significantly because, well, that’s a clever name for a pop up supperclub that’s launching tomorrow to celebrate National Orgasm Day.
Turns out the Aphrodisishack has been created by the UK’s third largest ‘intimate’ toy retailer, Bondara with Pratap Chahal of That Hungry Chef and uses some of the weirdest and most unusual, but proven, aphrodisiac ingredients. The pop up is being hosted at Pratap’s north London home where he often hosts supperclubs (there are fewer ants and balls involved usually) and is taking place this weekend – 31st July and 1st August. I’m not sure if tickets are still available, but if you fancy it, you can buy them from here
Sadly, as my wino is away this weekend and I think it’d be a little weird to eat aphrodisiac foods by myself in a room full of couples, I’ve decided to share a couple of the recipes with you so maybe at some point, you can make your own sheep testicle main to entice your lover. Actually, gotta be honest, even I gagged a bit at the thought of a deep fried sheep testicle so I’ve actually not copied that one down here, but all the recipes are viewable on the Bondara site (along with a brilliant video featuring Maria Fowler trying some of the dishes).
But here are the recipes for cocklebread (and you can knead this in anyway you fancy but an extra special round of applause to you if you do this the way 17th century courting British women did) and a chocolate tart featuring leafcutter ants (and its very own pearl necklace. Filth. Delicious, creamy filth!)
CASANOVA’S COCKLE BREAD – Cheddar, chive and smoked paprika ‘Cockle bread’
So Cocklebread. If you’ve not heard of this before the paragraph above, cocklebread was given by courting women to the objects of their affection. All very nice and stuff, until you hear about how the bread was kneaded – using their very own lady bits. Great for keeping it all ‘tight’ down there I’d imagine (and I really want to make a gag about yeast and stuff but I shan’t). If you’re not up to kneading with your vagina, don’t worry – Bondara sells a vagina moulding kit where you can make a mould out of your personal parts and use that to shape the topping for the cocklebread. Much more hygienic and probably just as delicious.
- Makes 16
- 250g – plain flour
- 2 tsp – baking powder
- 1/2 tsp – chilli powder
- 1 red chilli, deseeded and finely chopped
- 75g – butter, diced
- 125g – Cheddar, grated
- 175ml – buttermilk
- 1 tbsp milk
- 1 tsp – dried thyme
- ½ tsp – ground allspice
Put all the Cockle Bread ingredients EXCEPT the buttermilk into a food processor. Pulse until the mixture resembles breadcrumbs. Take out the mix and mix in the buttermilk to get a sticky dough. On a lightly floured surface, roll out the dough softly to 2cm thickness. Cut into squares (or use a round cutter) to make 16 pieces (reroll any left over dough and cut out).
For the Cockle Bread topping
- 100 grams – plain flour
- water – enough to make a dough
Cloned vagina mould
To make the topping dough, mix enough water with the flour to make a stiff dough. Let it rest for 15 minutes before rolling out ½ cm thickness. Using your personal vagina mould (or any mould you wish to use), press it into the dough to recreate the shape of the mould in the dough (you can also cut out 16 rounds of dough and press them individually over the mould to get a good shape) Do this 16 times. Using a cutter, cut out each moulded shape and stick it on top of each bread using beaten egg.
Brush each bun with milk and bake at 200c for 15 minutes.
Pratap is serving his cocklebread with guacamole. I imagine it goes with most things. Enjoy.
Now onto puddings. As you all know, I’ve got a bit of a sweet tooth, and I freaking love chocolate and stuff. So for the most part this dessert sounds bloody AMAZING. But there are leafcutter ants on it, that are actually called Hormigas Culonas and are harvested in the Colombian Amazon by the Guane Indians, during the short rainy season between March and June. They are then toasted in a mud pot over an open fire by the Indians.The Guane Indians believe that these ants have youth giving and aphrodisiac properties and they are often served as fertility giving marriage food during nuptial ceremonies.
So that’s the science. And honestly, there’s so much around insects being the protein of the future, that I can’t imagine it’ll be a bad thing to try them. So I will. Oh, you can buy the ants here. You get a lot of them so be prepared to have dead ants sprinkled over all your dishes for a while. This recipe also calls for pearl dust, which you can get at the same place as the ants, but you could also make like the picture and put a ‘pearl necklace’ around the edge of the tart (which would just be a creme patisserie, I’d imagine)
CREATURE CLIMAX – Chilli-Chocolate Tart with Leaf Cutter Ants and Pearl Dust
- 5 inch tart dish
- 240g – Dark chocolate
140g – Butter
- 4 – Eggs
- 70g- Sugar
- 2 tsp – chilli flakes
- ½ tsp – salt
Ants & Pearldust
- Toasted leaf cutter ants and pearl dust 1 bag of each will be plenty (http://www.edible-shop.com/)
- 225g – plain flour
- 110g – butter, diced
- 80g – sugar
- 1 – large egg
For the pasty (can be made in advance), pulse the flour, butter and sugar in a food processor until the mixture resembles breadcrumbs. Tip the mix out onto a clean work surface and mix in the egg till you have a dough. Wrap the dough in cling film and chill for 1 hour.
With a little flour on your work surface, roll the pastry out in a circle about 11 inches wide. Carefully press the pastry into the tart case and using a small ball of pastry, push the dough into the edges of the mould. Chill for another 15 minutes. Cut out a piece of greaseproof paper larger than the tart ring and press it gently into the tart case and top with baking beans.
Bake the tart case blind at 170c for 20-25 minutes, then remove the beans and paper and bake for another 10 minutes until the entire case is evenly golden.
To make the chocolate mix, melt the chocolate and butter in a bowl set over a simmering pot of water. Whisk the eggs, sugar, salt and chilli on full speed in a mixer until the mix is light and fluffy. Carefully fold in the chocolate mix.
Increase the heat of the oven to 180c
When the tart case is baked and ready, pour the chocolate mix into the tart case and put into the oven for 8 minutes at 180c.
When the timer goes off, remove the tart from the oven and allow to cool down.
Unmould the tart from the dish when cool and decorate it with some ants and finish with a sprinkle of pearl dust.
Would love to hear how you get on with your Aphrodisishack recipes and do let me know if you make it to the event! Looks like it’ll be fun (I hear good things about adult goody bags too….)